I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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