Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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