I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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