I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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