The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my liver is dry heaving
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
