you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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