I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
