I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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