in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
