Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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