Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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