I want to have your abortion
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
