I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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