im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
