I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
