either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
