she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
