His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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