I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
