You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
