So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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