ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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