Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
