Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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