you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
