I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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