I'm eating all of the evidence.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
