I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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