I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
