She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
