my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
