Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
