well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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