Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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