The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
