some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
