I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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