So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
