When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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