Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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