Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
