Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
