I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
