my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
