and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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