So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
