Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
