dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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