tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
