i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
