There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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