I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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