Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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