i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
