had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize