i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
