This is not my ceiling
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
