I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
