How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
