roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
