I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
