he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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