Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
