I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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