It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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