Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Found the puke drawer
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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