Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We left the knife in your bed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
