Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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