I wish my penis had an off switch
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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