i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
