he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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