don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
