just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
