the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
